Just a quick memo for anyone who isn’t up to speed. The following practices are no longer acceptable in online discussion forums. This decree applies to message board replies, Faceboook comments, and anywhere else on the internet where written conversation takes place. Thank you for your cooperation.

Beginning a Post with “Lol” or “Hahah”
This practice is rampant on the web and needs to stop. I confess I do it myself all the time (I’m working on it). It’s a way to quickly indicate agreement with the previous comment and placate the comment’s author. For example:

Netizen: The Joker is the greatest villain ever!
n00b: Lol totally!

Using “Lol” and “Hahah” in the Same Post
People do this to create filler because they can’t think of anything interesting to say. Alternatively, they do it to soften the blow of a dissenting opinion. These terms are the digital equivalent of a grunt. Come on people, nobody laughs this much:

Netizen: Heath Ledger is the best Joker ever!
n00b: Hahah he was ok but Nicholson pwns him lol

Using “Lol” Multiple Times in the Same Post
See above.

Beginning a Post with “Um[m/mm/mmm]” or “Uh[h/hh/hhh]“
Doing this makes you look like a jerk. It’s often used in a reply that disagrees with a previous comment. The respondent uses “um” to start his post as if to indicate he’s pausing (perhaps wincing in pain) as he struggles to comprehend your stupidity. Here’s an example:

Netizen: The Dark Knight is the best movie ever!
Asshole: Um, actually it isn’t.

To seem like an even bigger cocknose, the respondent will sometimes end his reply with a question mark, as such:

Netizen: The Dark Knight is the best movie ever!
Asshole: Uhh, actually it isn’t?

Or:

Netizen: The Dark Knight is the best movie ever!
Asshole: Um, no?

Using the Phrase “I Know Right[?/!]” Ever
I knew the girl who started this back in ’98, when it was a new and neat way to indicate agreement while opening the door for further discussion. Now it just makes you look dumb.

Netizen: Christian Bale was the best Batman ever!
n00b: I know right!

I hope this helps clear up any confusion. Oh, one final note: if you want to come off as the biggest dickhead of all, write a blog post about how stupid everybody acts on the internet.

It’s a disease, and it gets worse over time. “Fried my soul” is the metaphor I was going for there. No denizen of teh internet is safe. Be careful or it’ll get you next!

Once you get past the surface residue, penetrate the upper layers, through the mantle, and into the core of the issue, so to speak, I’m not really saying anything at all. “Why am I reading this?”, you might ask, but that is a question only you can answer. I am, however, able to explain why I, Mattdude, persist in regurgitating this meaningless gibberish which, for reasons unknown, you continue reading.

My purpose, dear readers, in generating this vapid prose is a simple one. Being somewhat (malignantly?) narcissistic, I enjoy frequently visiting my own web pages. Sometimes I’ll even Google myself, and then click the links back to my own site! Lol, I know, it’s fucked up but whatever. Anyway, I’ve grown tired of looking at that horrible “serious” photo below. I considered updating it with a “happy” photo, but to be honest I think it would be even more irritating.

To conclude, I’ve composed this text and included the attached picture as a means of driving down previous content, so that I may enjoy a more pleasant web experience. The content of this post, while meaningless, is from the heart (though off the top of my head) and not some canned bogus copy like lorem ipsum text.

If you’ve read this far you may be feeling slightly unfulfilled right now, dissappointed, possibly even empty inside, but I hope you will take some comfort in the fact that I very truly and honestly appreciate your devotion!

It’s become clear that many of you out there don’t understand just how serious I really am. To these people I ask: do you think this is a game? Is that what you think, that this is some kind of joke? I said it once and I’ll say it again. I am totally fucking serious.

In case you have any doubts as to how serious I am, just look at the picture to the right. Satisfied? Does it look like I’m kidding? Well let me make it perfectly clear: I’M FUCKING SERIOUS.

I’ve been following I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? for a few months now and noticed a high frequency of science fiction references lately. As fan of both cats and sci-fi, I thought these were pretty amusing. Hopefully you will too!

Oh, Hai, Dave
I Workin’ Fas as I Can Captn
Bring me Solo and the Wookiee
Teh Cloning Machine
Bein a Tribble
Kittehmus Pryme
Yoda Cat
Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde
E.T. go home!!!

If you know of any other sci-fi related ICHCB’s please post them!